The incidence of bullying has been put as high as 30% among all school-aged young people. That's why 3,000 young people call Childline every month. Reva Klein reports.

Julia can still remember those miserable days of her first year at an independent school in north London as if they were yesterday instead of nine years ago. Her dark, wavy hair, green eyes and olive skin were, she recalls with a wan smile, “like red rags to two golden haired bullies” who were determined to make her life a misery.

It started with stage-whispers every time she came into the room. When she first heard them call her “gypsy”, her initial response was disbelief. Hurt quickly followed. She went quiet and became withdrawn. Her feelings of humiliation soon led her to internalise her hurt. For a month, she would come home, do her homework, have supper with her family and then go up to the bathroom and make herself sick. Julia's mother Heather knew something was wrong but put it down to the stresses of acclimatising to a new school. Then one morning, Julia broke down and said she couldn't face going to school and revealed what had been going on at school and in the upstairs bathroom. Heather immediately made an appointment with the form tutor and arranged for her daughter to have counselling. The end to what had become an intolerable situation came soon after.

The incidence of bullying has been put as high as 30% among all school-aged young people. It is the reason why 3,000 young people call Childline every month. When parents are aware of their child's bullying or being bullied, they need help too. Over 16,000 call Kidscape each year for advice.

Some bullies are driven by insecurity, lack of confidence or other emotional problems. Many are seemingly “normal”: well-adjusted, confident boys and girls who prey upon others for different reasons. Some react to physical difference such as Julia's dark hair. Others are fuelled by envy (of cleverness, beauty, aptitude in a particular area). Bullies' modus operandi are as varied as their motivations. Michele Elliott, director of the children's charity Kidscape, tells of an 11-year old girl taunted with sexist remarks when she began to mature physically. To stop the hectoring, she attempted to tape her breasts. Among boys, a common term of abuse is “gay”. Name-calling may be the most widespread form of verbal abuse, but spreading rumours can be similarly devastating. While physical bullying was once believed to be the exclusive province of boys, there is an increase in girls physically assaulting their victims.

The latest and most sophisticated method of bullying is technology-based: via texts, emails and websites. A recent four-year survey of 11,000 young people, conducted by MSN, shows cyber-bullying to be a widespread technique. What you can do: be aware of signs. Go gently on the questioning It's important to make it clear it isn't their fault, Reassurance is key. Suggest your child ring ChildLine, look at Bullying Online or see a counsellor.

Don't vent your anger on the school. Build a constructive alliance to end the problem quickly. Make detailed notes of everything your child tells you and of your contact with the school. You can always refer up to the governors.

Do not stop paying school fees, unless you want to wind up in court over your breach of contract with the school.

www.bullyingonline.co.uk
www.parentlineplus.org.uk